OPINION: Everything but the kitchen sink

Why are automobiles so dull? Americans are so proud of their cars, but most cars are grey, black, red, white or blue. Yes, some are green and there’s an occasional yellow or brown.  What has happened to the two tones of my youth? Where are cars painted in the exciting psychedelic creations of the ‘60s? Are there no longer individuals driving our roads, only representatives of staid middle age?

And trucks? Boring. Massive surfaces, potential expressions of individual or corporate mirth, roll by in dull conformity. At one time Red Gold trucks had personality.

FedEx and UPS vehicles have all the charm of a blood transfusion. Necessary, but no soul. At least Old Dominion Freight Line offers a slogan, “Helping the World Keep Promises.” I’m not sure what Promises are being kept, but it makes me think serious thoughts about shippers and their products entrusted to trucking companies.

What is IU talking about on those billboards  proclaiming its campuses are “Keeping the Promise”? After seeing one of those billboards, I emailed one of IU’s 14 Vice-Presidents and asked about the Promise. The Veep I chose was in charge of Policy so I thought she would know. She didn’t, but referred me to the IU Foundation. I need to follow up on that one. Who’s been promised what?

A retailer in Richmond has billboards announcing  “The  Most Unique Furniture Store in the World.” Sorry, buddy, you may have a unique furniture store in that there is none like it in the world, but unique means ‘one of a kind’. It’s what called an absolute condition. You cannot increase or decrease it. Hence it cannot be Very or The Most. It might be distinctive. Good luck with your business and in finding an advertising agency that knows something about the English language.

A sign at a highway construction site in Ohio: “Slow down, my Mommy works here.” I’ve seen that message about Daddy, but not previously about Mommy. There’s progress for you. Mommy is working on a construction job. It’s a tremendous statement of how women have expanded their roles in our society. Since many road jobs are funded with federal dollars, she is probably being paid at the same rate as the men doing the same work.

Which reminds me of a craft show where  wonderful fabrics and clothes were on display. Bright colors and imaginatively designed articles. Women were doing the buying, but they were all wearing dark and dreary garments. Where and when are they going to wear what they were buying?

Which reminds me, did I tell you about of the dull cars on the roads?