I dropped my Miles off at school this morning, and then I cried.
He’s six. He’s in first grade. His world is so fragile without the weight of the devastating and scary news that has been swirling around our world these last few days.
My eyes got hot, and I got choked up as I tried to sing-song our daily affirmation: “Be brave, be strong, be kind. But most importantly…” “Be kind,” he shouts back at me as I have to turn my head away as I choke out, “I love you buddy.”
I’m not afraid that he’ll not come home today, but the recent school shootings frighten me. It’s so heavy on our hearts right now, as it should be. I’ve talked to friends, co-workers and my own family about the feelings of loss and hopelessness. What do we do? How can we send our kids to school in a world where just a few days ago 17 students and teachers were senselessly killed in the place where they should have been safe, protected.
If I’m honest, I guess that’s a deepdown fear, but right at the surface, the reason I drove to work through a blurry haze of tears, was all the other stuff.
The stuff that our kids are facing every single day at every single school and countless homes. Things such as teasing and isolation. Things that likely bubble over and create a kid who comes to school with a tool of death and lashes out by killing his classmates and teachers. Things they are seeing – or aren’t seeing — at home that breeds a man who believes that if he can’t have a woman, he has the right to kill her. The real fear that my child may become the next victim of a child predator in his own classroom.
In the past seven days, the news in our community (and country) has been hard to digest.
❚ A third-grade teacher is accused of inappropriately touching a student in class.
❚ A man is accused of shooting and killing his estranged wife and another man before killing himself the day before he was to appear in court in connection with a protection order.
❚ And then there was the mass tragedy in Florida on Valentine's Day leaving 17 dead and a community (and many others) in a tailspin.
I want to throw my hands up in the air, helpless on how to make a difference and say, “What can we do?” “How can we fix this?”
I want us to continue to talk about this. I want us to look at serious reform and legislation around guns. I want us to invest more in mental health and social services. I want us to invest more in our education system with more safeguards in place.
And I can be a part of those conversations and advocacy. But I was still left, sitting in the parking lot of the Courier & Press this morning in tears wondering, 'What can I do, right now. Right here.'
Friends were having this same conversation on social media today. What have you done to change the world since we were so moved and impacted by the shooting in Columbine, which happened during my senior year of high school?
What I’ve done, or tried to do, is work on raising my children to be kind and loving to everyone they meet. I've tried to stay aware of their mental health and the level of violence they are exposed to. I’ve tried my hardest to encourage them to talk to me about how they are feeling and what is happening around them. I’m teaching them how to be respectful boys and eventually young men and hopefully husbands (or just HUMANS.) I’m doing my best to provide a healthy and engaged home for them so they hopefully won’t feel the need to turn to drugs and alcohol down the road.
I’ve also engaged with nonprofits which provide similar things to children who may not have parents with the life skills, experiences or resources to provide that same support to their children.
We can all start at home, with our own kids, and in our neighborhoods.
I want to do more. I hope to do more. But I started with my family.
I'm not going to lie though. I'm insanely overwhelmed with the idea of not being able to do more... to just fix it. I often feel hopeless about this and many other scary things I face every day.
I can't fix it. But maybe it's a tiny start. And maybe, if more and more did the same, we could start to make a dent or a difference.
There is no ONE thing that will fix all this though. And that's scary.